"The DC was Warm" - Day 28 of fast and Day 23 of not cheating -
So yesterday on the way home from my Design appointment, I snapped open the can and took a large sip of warm lime coke. Of course I had to partake on the one day it was warm in Minnesota and it was majorly unsatisfying. I'm not certain now I will even drink DC in the Dominican (Boo Hoo). I then poured the remainder out my window on my door handle to see if it would burn away the super glue that dripped from my door handle repair. I am still watching. I took a picture of it when I got home and I will keep you posted. If it does, I believe DC will make a resurgance in my life, just this time as a household cleaner. :-)

Day 25 of fast and Day 20 of not cheating -
Time is flying by and I have still not partaken of the nectars of the gods in almost over 3 weeks, nor the can sitting in my car for 4 days now. I can not believe it has been almost 3 weeks since I last had one. I had dreams that I was on the Apprentice and Donald Trump asked me why I shouldnt be fired and I rehearsed my answers that I would tell him and delivered what I thought was a fairly good answer. I am not sure if this is evidence of my desire to play the game or evidence of my nervous energy of not wanting to drink the can of Diet Coke. I still think out scenarios of drinking them as almost a test of my strength not too. So goes the fight. :)

Day 23 of fast and Day 18 of not cheating -
Okay KP, definitely you can have my can of Diet Coke. No need to catch it from my hand as I pour it out! :-) I was telling Javs and Naomi I was hoping to give it to a needy person anyway. I hate to see a good DC go to waste when there is possibly some sleepy, gunky throated, lack of sparkle person out there! I had a realization as I left the airport this morning and the Guatemala group leaving, I realized I will be drinking DC in the DR fo' sure! I mean, I cant drink Margarita's all day and I'm sure there will be no Red Raspberry Diet Rite in Puerto Plata. So ladies dont you dare stop me! I'm drinkin it. :-)

Well my first sign of Spring is the snowbank out back melting and David finding my wallet in it. Thanks Dave! Although I'm confident he never reads this. So in that case, Dave I'll reward you greatly, perhaps a new Bentley or something. Just make sure to remind me I wrote this. he,he. Sucker. ;-)

Day 22 of fast and Day 17 of not cheating -
So I finally removed the Diet Coke from the fridge at work and moved it to my car. I really struggled over the question of why I couldnt drink just one and return to a consistent diet of not drinking it. I know you might question my ability to do so after reading my blog, but if I dont do it, how will I know. I called my sponsor ... or prayer partner as the case can be and she was unavailable. So then I dialed Anna who was on the road, but available by phone. She told me "You know what would feel really empowering? To empty it out." Not buying it, I emphasized the fact that I didnt think that Diet Coke should be the boss of me and I just thought it might taste good and it was there, why couldnt I drink it and not return to the habit of it. I'm not really sure what she said from there, I know it made sense and it included not drinking it, but pretty much all I heard from then on was the Peanuts teacher saying "wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah".

I figured I would probably empty it out, but I needed some time for it to settle in. My stubborn/defiant side shows itself at these times and I need to just let these things settle in and mull on it before I can swallow it so to speak. So the Diet Coke sat in my car. It sat in my car as I went up to church to set up my table, it sat in my car as I drove home, it sat in my car as I went to my apartment. Where I had an IM conversation with Naomi and Javs who told me to "step away from the car Marlene" "Open the DC, pour it out on the ground and step away from the open can" ;-) Blah, blah, blah. I think I could drink it and return to my fast, however I'm considering that perhaps it is not so much that I can, but the contest comes more in not.

Day 19 of fast and Day 14 of not cheating -
So two weeks of no diet coke, what is that like my paper or cotton anniversary? So this weekend I taught a seminar on the Touch as it relates to the Physicality of God. My cousin was there and we sat down in front of a big huge basket of sodas. There it was in all its sparkling glistening splendor with a red stripe around it. I told my cousin, a recovering alcoholic what I was doing and might have mentioned some of my difficulties with such and she said "Girl we need to get you into a twelve step program"
Step 1 - "We admitted we were powerless over Diet Coke - that our lives had become unmanageable."
Step 2 - "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity". (sheez, a higher power can do THAT?)
Step 3 - "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him." (I didnt realize I was denying all this. Huh?)

Okay at FOUR it gets complicated, I will continue my addiction and return to the Steps tomorrow, but for now ... I sleep! Anything that requires charts is not best done at midnight.

Day 16 of fast and Day 11 of not cheating -
I feel like an addict that was just sent to buy drugs for someone else. My coworker asked me to grab her a Diet Coke from McDonalds (I know that Shelley doesnt know where to start with ragging on that last phrase!he,he). As I filled her glass, I wanted to just slurp the Seductive Sparkling Caffeine beverage I once supported and loved. I wondered if it felt outcast by my abandonment of it. Do you think? I'm sorry brown soda of the Gods, I am certain there are more to worship you left and I still do as well, but I'm not good enough for you. In fact when I put you in my mouth you turn to toxic waste. I'm sorry, but it's me not you. ;-)

Day 14 of fast and Day 9 of cheating -
So yesterday I had a great photoshop pic of Diet Coke with my lip prints on it. Kind of my own personal shrine over the grave of my "love". However, I found out that shrine will cost me an extra upteen dollars to upgrade to Ultimate Blogspot or whatever it is called. So for now my description will have to do!

Description (You didnt think I was serious did ya?): It was a Diet Coke bottle with sweat dripping off it. Then I kissed a piece of paper for a personal touch and scanned it in and then photoshopped it on to the bottle. It was a personal gift of love and work of art. he,he. I have no possible reason to EVER say anything about Jenell's stories about her catnow, unless I am totally just kidding. Please know that is true if I do Jenell. I am just giving you a hard time in jest.

Speaking of Jenell, she told me she appreciated "my ability to live without shame - able to laugh at yourself and tell other people of your failings". Well thank you, but I tell you Jenell, not to get all serious in this blog, but there was a time where I was very much a deciever in my life. I was very insecure and I was quite performance = love oriented. When my life blew up and everybody knew the truth about how bad of a screw up I really was, I discovered two things. The first, that I never want to be that out of touch with God again and the second, I was better off to have ONE friend who kind of loved me faults and all, than several friends in love with someone I wasnt. The irony of this time was that it was an extremely insecure position for people to accept an illusion I had created and not have anyone know who I truly was. Besides it is extremely exhausting to live in a dillusional world, I would rather keep to a less attractive reality. It is much more condusive to my laziness ;-)

Okay enough seriousness, back to Diet Coke. I dont have much to say today, except I think I am finding myself to be like a smoker who has given it up. I am getting fat, since I am taking away my "diet" drink and have now subsituted sweets and more sweets! Oie avey what a viscious circle. I must now excercise to enable my excess sweet eating. :-) Run 1 mile ... eat one donut ... Run 2 miles ... have Mountain Dew. Okay here is my question for all those that are actually reading this thing. What is your one junk food guilty pleasure? ... Mine is Hostess Cupcakes. LOL I'm crazy for them. I mean not every day, but if I feel like splurgin or am down, it's HCs for me. They are high up in my comfort foods. So come on, lets here 'em!

Day 12 of fast and Day 7 of cheating -
It's been a complete week without cheating. Last night I discussed with Shana and a client yesterday that it will always be a temptation I think. It seems if I have the opportunity, that unfortunately my ability to just "roll things off my back" does not allow me to keep a long memory. So I forget all the things that are bad for me about it or it doesnt seem that bad. Perhaps I need a medallion with my dental bill engraved on the back, so I can look at it every day or have it have a chart with inflation value, because In 2020, $1800 may not seem that bad. You know? Well thanks to those at Chipotle that help me resist the Diet Coke fountain, damn it would have tasted so good with a slice of lime and my guac and chips! :-P

Day 9 of the fast and Day 4 of no cheating -
So I guess I'm simply amused. To change my day from 3 to 4 gave me great joy. You perhaps dont understand the sacrifice of such addiction, but perhaps if you were to bind all the fingers on your primary hand, you would realize how much I think about it a day and how much it has a place in my day. ... hmm that kind of looks pathetic when you write it that way doesnt it?

Note: Must switch off Fresca, all the citrus juices are giving me cancor sores.

Day 8 of the fast and Day 3 of no cheating -
Well I just finished lunch with my friend Sharon who drinks DC religiously and made it through lunch without drinking. I told her to get me an orange juice to distract me, but her Diet Coke sure look gooooooooooood. [insert salivation here] I however denied my urges and counted my 3 day sobriety landmark. It is my only source of successful motivation. Plus I have a bone to pick with Jimmy, I dont know what he's talking about, because I find no amazingly great feeling from stopping this carcinogen. If I think real hard, perhaps I dont have toothaches so much, but heck for this sacrifice I should be reaching nirvana!!!!!!!!!! Baby Step through Day 3 and more Baby Steps to Day 4.

Day 7- Okay so I am officially now having dreams about cheating drinking Diet Coke. Last night I dreamt I was cleaning off the table after a dinner party and took a big gulp of a 1/2 empty glass of DC left on the table!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh, didnt I see this same scenario with alcohol on an After School Special when I was 13??

Okay I'm still off Diet Coke and woke up with a killer hangover/headache from not having any. I need to drink more water, but Fresca is slightly helping me ween off the dark devil juice (aka DC) for now.

[pant, pant] need Diet Coke [sweating, sweating] must have Diet Coke [sigggghhhhhhh]

I am home today, it will be a real test. I have cucumbers and pea pods, plus I have some sugar free chocolate pudding, but I'm out of whip cream. They are just not doing it for me and although I dont have any DC left in the house, it is only a block away!!

HOW do you discipline people do this?????? I think I might need a detox center and my own support counselor to hold me when I rock back and forth in my straight jacket. That would be nice! Any offers?

p.s. is that bugs on the wall for real? ;-)

Day 6 - Later that night
So I have officially not had ANY Diet Coke today and I feel relatively fine. By the way thanks KP, you're the best! So I cut up some veggies and put them in containers and made some sugarfree chocolate pudding and got some whip cream. Hopefully this will satisfy the category of interesting things to stuff in my face when opening the fridge. However, I had a close call at the check out when the delay of check out brought me face to face with the COKE frigerator! But I didnt partake ... yay ... baby steps as the much cheated oscar nominee would say. Off to do my random stream of consciousness, no I didnt do it.

Day 6 - Okay I procrastinated in blogging, because I'm still cheating, I'm still dont seem to have found the magic component to stop my habit and things seem to be the same as they were on Day 1! ugh, ugh, ugh.

I missed doing my random stream of consciousness on the 20th of the month. Every 20th (same day of the month as my birthday) I do a random stream of consciousness on what is live giving to me for 30 mins and then at the end I do a 2 min time of names of people that pop into my head or have been on my mind the last weeks or at that very moment. They generally tend to be names of people that are life giving to me, those that are commited to my life on some depth or those that perhaps I need to bring some "life" to.

After teaching Pilates tonight, I think I will stop and do this on the way home and see if it reenergizes me or redirects my thinking from the "negative" to the "positive".